like untying a knot
just to tie it back up again
this time tighter
this time meaner
mold on the rope
this time holier than thou and this time more constricting than any of the knots before
like a child
you (I) want it all
melting in the heat
dripping onto your hands and between and around your fingers
prayer like positions, always willing to recurve/receive a blessing or two
hoping it doesn’t rot, sticky enough for a stain to steep
and it/you was/were cold enough to remember, like last December when you were supposed to love and be loved
oh, all the days you said you would love.
oh, all the days I waited for something to spark a return.
I think I’m broken hearted
I think I’ve never been happier
I think I’m 24
swimming amongst you (never with you) and I’ve weaved so many safety nets.
and it’s a summers night
this water smells like you
the moon reflects off my skin
you are everywhere because I’ve made you so
I guess I’m floating I guess I’m sinking I guess it’s both when it’s wrong I guess it’s both when you want to be proven wrong
this isn’t a love poem
it’s a lifeguard’s whistle as a hand stretches out above the current in the distance.
not a terrible way to spend my 24th birthday. #J22 (at Horned Dorset Primavera, Rincon)
I think of her and I could almost howl with blood lust
I think of him and I can feel my chest vibrate
this is the last of my letters x